Secret Service
by Evil Donut Man RB
Summary: Link and Skull Kid go on wacky and zaney adventures while....doing things! Chapter 15 up! Last chapter next chapter. : R&R! Flames welcome!
1. A lot of stuff happens

Look, I own absolutely nothing! I'll think of more funny disclaimers and stuff later

-

_**Secret Service**_

"Doilies, Doilies, every where!"

Our story begins at the out skirts of Clock Town, home to the elfin like creatures called "Terminanians" (A/N- is that what they're called, people from 'Termina'?).

"Hey!" came a cheerful voice, "Skull kid! Where are you?"

"Over here, Link," said another voice, presumably Skull kids', "By the hallowed out log!"

Link ran over to the log laughing, (Heh Heh… I said 'log') and he and Skull kid, the man (or boy) behind the mask who tried to destroy Termina, were playing a game before Link left for Hyrule. Link planned to play a game called 'secret service', where he and Skull kid pretended to be guards, protecting Clock town from evildoers.

"So, Link," said Skull Kid, " What are we going to do today?"

"Same thing we do every night, Skull Kid… … … Try to ta-" "Eewww…!" Interrupted Skull Kid, " Link, We're not old enough for that, and **_I ain't no girl!" _**Links' eye started twitching " Geez, ya could have fooled me… … …" Muttered Link, "Not that, Skull Kid. I'm saving'Mini-Me' for Zelda." Said Link, blushing. "Well, more like 'Mega-Me'… … …" He started to look into space, blushed again, and started to drool. Skull Kid just stared at him, amazed at his horny-ness. "Link!" Screamed Skull Kid, smacking the back of Link's head, "Wake up!" "Oh, ya!" yelled Link, out of his trance and 'thoughts' of Zelda, "Oy… … …" Sighed Skull Kid, shaking his head, Link started again, "Same thing we do every **_DAY_** Skull Kid… Try to take over Termina!" Exclaimed Link, raising his hands in the air. (Pinky and The Brain theme plays, the Skull Kid and the Link, the Skull Kid and the Link, one is not smart, the other's in green…)

"We're not really doing that, are we, Link…?" "No, but I was thinking," answered Link, " We could guard Clock Town! (A/N- ya, more like rob and destroy it ) You could guard the entrance to North Clock Town, and I could guard East Clock Town, incase Saken, the thief, comes back." The two boys went to their posts, and marched back and forth.

Soon, Link got board, and fell asleep. But not Skull kid, Oh, no. He was too hyper from his breakfast of candy. Soon, a mysterious figure with a large pack on his back came down from the Snow Head Mountains. Thinking that it was the Happy Mask Salesman, the one who started all this, Skull Kid readied himself for attack.

As the figure made it's way closer, Skull Kid saw that it was a Goron (Link-goro, to be exact).

"I'm sorry, Mister Goron, but until you get your teeth fixed, You can't pass here." (really, have you _seen _his teeth?)

"What do you mean, goro? I've got a reservation at the Stock Pot Inn, goro. Let me through, goro! My contract for this fan fiction said nothing about this, Goro!" Said Link-goro as he shoved Skull kid aside, unaware of his sugar-induced violence.

"You've broken the fourth wall!" Screamed Skull Kid, leaping at poor, stupid Link-goro, beating him to a pulp.

Link, awoken by Link-goro's cries of pain, ran over to Skull Kid and tried to pull him off of the Goron's unconscious body.

"Skull Kid! What the hell are you doing?" Screamed Link "Why didn't you tell me that you were going to beat up random by-standers? You know I've always wanted to do that!"

Skull Kid looked at his feet. "Sorry, Link, but he broke the fourth wall! You know that I can't control myself when people do that…" "That's okay, Skull Kid…" said Link putting his hand on Skull Kids shoulder, "Hey, let's attack Anju, the inn keeper!" exclaimed Link, jumping up and down. "Ya! But first, we must get rid of this body… Then we can get her on the way to kitchen, and take her wallet!" cried Skull Kid

And so they buried the goron outside of the Stock Pot Inn, and attacked Anju, then spent many a rupee on paper doilies, in which they used to doiley-ize the town.

To be Continued…

-

So, How'd you like it? Grood? I mean good. Good and great. Review and tell me! No flames but constructive criticism is ok. If you have any ideas for my next chapter, then please tell me so that I can give credit to the reviewer at the beginning of the next chapter. Try to keep it G-PG rated, cause… my parents watch me like Saken does the bomb lady. Bye! **Disappears in a flash of chocolate sprinkles and jimmies**


	2. Night of the living movie ripoffs!

Secret Service, the night of the living movie rip-offs!

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda, but I do own about 3000 points on ( trading cards section)

Don't forget to review and give me ideas for chapter three!

Last scene, we saw Link and Skull Kid doily-ize the town…

" Hey, come back here!" yelled an angry guard as he chased Link and Skull Kid through Clock Town

"Ya, youngins! Get yur book learned edumacation behinds back here! Y'all hear me? Yelled an un kept guard, from the Southern Swamp.

"Um… What?" said Link, as he ran through South Clock Town, Skull Kid trailing behind him.

" Link…" Wheezed Skull Kid, " Now go on without me, Ok? I'll just slow you down…" Skull Kid then dropped to the ground, dead.

"Skull Kid!" cried Link, rushing to Skull Kid's side, "No… don't leave… You still owe me money!"

Suddenly, Skull Kid leaned up in Link's arms. "Hold me closer, Ed… … … It's getting dark… Tell Old yeller he's a good dog… Tell Tiny Tim I won't be coming home Christmas…"

"Hey, who's Tiny Ti- Oomph!" said the guard, who had stopped chasing the duo, "Hey!" cried the other guard, "Don't ruin the moment!"

"And tell-… aw, screw it! Let's get out of here!" Skull Kid yelled as he got back up, and ran to North Clock Town.

"Good idea, Skull Kid! The guards wouldn't dare go to North Clock Town!" said Link as he and Skull Kid ran through North Clock Town

"Come on Billy Bob! We can still catch them and- Aw, crap. They went to North Clock Town. let's get back to our posts, George." Said Billy Bob, and walked back to his post.

"Let's get to the great fairy." Said Link.

"Okay." Said Skull Kid, wondering why the author was too lazy to go into great detail...

"Hey, it's the Great Fairy!" cried Link, as he bowed to the Fairy, along with Skull Kid .

"Oh, get up, already! If It's anything I hate, It's grovelers." Cried out the Great Fairy, clearly annoyed.

"Sorry, Great Fairy." Sail Link, also wondering why the author was writing at about… 2:32 AM.

"God! Don't apologize! It's always 'sorry' and 'forgive me' and 'I'm not worthy'! Just take the Holy Grai- I mean rupee and leave!" Yelled the Fairy, and sank back into the water.

Link noticed that Skull Kid was eyeing the rupee weirdly…

"Um… Skull Kid? You alright?"

"Yes, but look! The guards are coming!" cried Skull Kid, pointing to a fern.

"Uh-oh!" yelled Link.

"Looks like we're gonna have to jump!" cried Link and Skull Kid, as they floated in mid-jump.

( Song v)

Today is alright for tonight!

Riding in a corvette, and feeling alright,

Today is alright for tonight…!

(music)

Today is alright for tonight!

Riding in a corvette, and feeling alright,

Today is alright for tonight…!

(music)

Then Skull Kid fell before the song ended, and crushed his skull. I'm just kidding… but not really.

" Skull Kid!" said Link, "Are you alright?"

"Yes… We are alright… Yes… We have the precious…" hissed Skull Kid as he snatched the rupee out of Link's hands,

"Yes… The precious says to go to the canyon… Yeses… We won't listen to those stupid little guardses… No, we won't…

So Link, being the ahem, slow, hero he is, fallowed Gollum… Oops… I mean Skull Kid to that canyon, only to find…

"Precious!" cried a voice from the canyon…

Aha! Who is that voice? WHO KNOWS! Tell me! I've seen your reviews! You know everything that happens in stories! **attacks all knowing person** So, person, **_Tell me you saw that coming, punk!_** Argh! I know you're out there! This fanfic represents your big, stupid head! **rips fanfic up into a million pieces, screams battle cry, plants face into table** (later) **raises head** Ok, I'm good. I lost control… so… Review, and all flames will be used to cook the stew that feeds Mr. Crackers, my pet emu. Bye! **disappears is a flash of chocolate sprinkles and jimmies**


	3. Good Drawing'd!

_**Good Drawing'd!**_

Disclaimer: (cop) Evil Donut Man, you have the right to remain silent, and anything you say can and will be used against you in court. (Evil Donut Man) No! I don't own Zelda, or any Zelda related content! I only own a burnt copy of war craft, and star craft! If I get ten (10) reviews, maybe they'll let me go!

The last we saw Link, he was…Um… what was he doing? **Checks ch.2 **Aw, yes… Last we saw Link, He and Skull Kid were on their way to The Canyon! **Thunder Clashes**… Um ya. Here we go…

When Link and Skull Kid arrived, they noticed that Saken was prancing around like a freak by the river ( A/N: Which when I played, that freaked me out, with the music and all, and with the creepy way he speaks… **shudder**).

"Precious!" Cried out Saken as he pranced over to Skull Kid, "That's a very nice precious… Stalkid!"

"Our name is Skull Kid. We likes to use our American name, and not our Japanese name, don't we precious…?" Hissed Skull Kid/Stalkid to his, ahem, 'Precious'.

"Cans we sees the precious, master Skull kid? It's pretty… So pretty…" Whispered Saken silently, as he hopped around.

"Bing bing bing!" screamed Tatl, as she glowed red while flying around Saken, "Link! I don't trust this guy! See how I'm glowing red? Look at me!  _Why won't you look at me?_ God! Fine! See if I care if the ruby is stolen thanks to movie rip-offs!"

Suddenly, a flash of chocolate sprinkles and jimmies appeared! It was Evil Donut Man!

"Argh!" Cried out Saken, clutching his eyes, "My eyes! They burn! All I see is a horrible rainbow!"

"Oops… I must have gotten some jimmies in his eyes." Said Evil Donut Man as Saken continued to have multiple spasms on the ground, still clutching his eyes.

Later 

"So I says to him, I says… … … Fill the plate, **_Dean!_**"' Laughed out the little girl as she and the gang had a tea party.

"Can I have some tea?" came a muffled voice from the closet, "I'm thirsty!"

"Um, what's that?" Asked a really confused Link, looking at the closet.

"Oh, that's the voice of my dead father…" said the little girl sadly. "I'm not dead!" came a voice from the closet, "I was just knocked out!"

"Um, well the voice of my mortally wounded father." Said the little girl again, sadly. "I'm getting better!" Came a voice from the closet. "Oh, shut up!" screamed the girl, "You're not fooling anyone, old man!" "I thing I'll go for a walk!" came her father's voice again.

"Excuse me." Said the girl politely, as she walked over to the closet.

"I feel happy!" came her father's voice, "I feel happy! I feel hap- argh!"

A loud BANG noise was heard, and she came back to the table with a smoking shotgun.

"Um, where is everyone?" asked the girl

"I dunno… Pass the sugar, please" Evil Donut Man said before being dragged away by Link.

"Oh, well. Want some tea, Mr.Bigglesworth?" Asked the little girl to her stuffed animal.

So, how'd you like it? I liked it. Link didn't like it. So I put him in a room with ruto, and several relatives of Navi, and he should be out of there any minute now. So, just remember: If you feel pretty, you're probably in denial, and are as ugly as Navi is annoying. So, R&R, people! I don't have to- "There he is!" Oh, no! It's the cops! Review! **Runs off**


	4. The Day Hyrule Stood Stupid

_**The Day Hyrule Stood Stupid**_

Disclaimer: I have nothing, and I still don't have stuff. Oh, and in no way do I encourage under age drinking, and what not. I just have a twisted mind, is all.

So, after their little "adventure" in Termina, Link and Skull Kid decide to go to Hyrule for reasons not mentioned.

"Whoo! Skull Kid! We're going to Hyrule! I can finally see Zelda again! I can still remember what happened before I came here…"

**Eight-bit link hold up the Triforce, Zelda comes up to him and says "Make love to me, Link"**

"Let's celebrate with some rum!" Cried out Skull Kid

"Um, SK, We're a bit young to drink." Said Link, looking strangely at SK. "I said, **We'll celebrate with rum!" **Screamed Sk.

"Okay!" agreed Link, happily reaching into his pocket and pulled up rum as they walked through the portal to Hyrule.

Later 

"Whoo! I'm Link, Hero of Fuuuuuuuuuuddddggggeee!" Slurred Link, belching out the last word as they walked out of the Lost Woods, attracting a crowd.

"Saria! It's me. Lumk." Giggled SK, "Stay away from my wife!" slurred Link, punching SK in the face, knocking him to the ground.

"Now children," slurred Link yet again towards the Kokiri people, "I'm not gonna lie to ya. I'm about to throw up."

Link retched, sending several Kokiri persons screaming, and some running away.

"Hello, Link…" said Saria happily, "How was Termi- Ohmigod what's that in your pants?"

"What, oh, this?" questioned Link reaching into his pocket, and pulling out a slug, "Isn't he purtyful? I'll name him George, and I will love him and pet him, and name him George."

"You already said Geor- Link? Where are you Link?" Said Saria, looking around for Link, who suddenly disappeared.

"He walks like Dracula, his foot steps silent like death." Said Mido, currently shivering in a corner with a blanket wrapped around him.

"No, Saria, actually, he's passed out at your feet." Said SK, who promptly fell unconscious again.

"I say!" cried a voice, "I say, I'm down here!" said the voice again.

Saria looked down, and say 'George' the slug with a monocle and a top hat.

"I can't help but notice that your friend down there is currently passed out. Just talk to him about the woman of his dreams, and he'll wake up."

"My god, that's so stupid it just might work!" cried out Saria, throwing her hands into the air

"Now Link," whispered Saria, "Who's the woman of your dreams?"

"Hmm hum… pie…" mumbled Link,

"No, what else?" asked Saria.

"um.. hrm… Lady made of pie…" slurred Link, passed out.

"Dammit, Link! Freakin' wake up! Screamed Saria at the top of her lungs.

"Argh!" cried out the newly awakened Link, "Saria, you know how I feel about that word."

"I had the most amazing dream…" said Link, now sober, "Zelda was there. She said 'Link, you dumbass! What did I say about putting on my make up?' 'But I want to look prettyful, too.'

'You don't understand, Link. According to my contract, I only get one of every make up stuff in Hyrule, and you used up half of it!'

'Oh, my, god (this is now SK)… You've broken the fourth wall!' Them, SK tackled Zelda, and beat her to a pulp. ( I am not a Zelda basher.)

"But Link, There's something I have to tell you… I… I think I'm pregnant."

"Dun Dun Duuuuuun!" cried out SK.

"Was that really necessary?" said Link, glaring are SK.

"Hell ya! Did you not hear what she said?"

Next time, on Secret Service!

**Mido is holding SK by one food over a cliff**

Mido-"Tell Me. Where is the virus?"

SK- "Do your worst."

**(me) Donut and Link are by a burning building, Donut pushes Link over.** Donut- "I have to go back in. Mido is still in there."

**On a street corner, Ganondorf looks, shocked, at a mysterious figure** Ganon- "YOU!"

M.F.- "That's right Ganon. I have returned to reclaim what's mine."

**Also on a street corner, Link-Goro kneels over (almost dead) Anju.** Anju- "Link-Goro, I have one last thing to tell you. Your father lives."

**Zelda's in a hospital** Zelda- I… I think I'm pregnant."

**Black room, Link holds a bloody sword, looks at Donut, Mido, and Skull Kid's bodies** Link- "Skull Kid? Mido? Donut? What have I done? (whispers) What have I done?"

Should I actually do some of there? If so , please review, and take a vote on which ones to do. I'll wait about… 3 weeks. Starting

July 11, 2005. Thanks!


	5. A short, crappy Mario chapter

_**A short, crappy Mario based chapter**_

Disclaimer: I own nothing. See the other 4 chapters to get the idea.

"I… I think I'm pregnant." Half-whispered Saria, looking at the ground.

"You're-you're _what?_ Screamed out Link, almost squishing George the Snail,

"I say, what what!" Snickered George the Snail, "Have a little fun with a sticky whicked? Ho ho ho! Got bamboozled down under?

Went out for a little din din and came back with a meal in a doggy bag? Ha ha h-argh!" I'm sad to say, that George the Snail was squished.

"Little bastard" mumbled Link, wiping slug guts off his shoe, "So, what happened? Who's the father?"

"Um… You are, Link." Said Saria, now finding a great interest in a flower blowing in the wind, "Remember that night when you played Super Mario Bros for like, 12 hours straight?"

"Oh, ya…" pondered Link….

_**Flashback!**_

One day, Skull Kid was walking through the Kokiri village, and decided to look at the abnormally large flower pots. Suddenly, Link rose out of one with a crazed look in his eye, and a 'Tastes like Chicken' chocolate bar in is hand. The Mario **blip blip blip** thing played, and Link was all pixally.

"Um… Link?" asked SK, looking at Link strangely, and backing away slowly, "Why do you have different coloured post-it notes attached to you?"

Suddenly, the Mario theme played, and Link leaped, and landed on SK's head. A **200** appeared above his head, and he went on.

"Ow! That frickin' hurt!" cried out Skull Kid.

Link continued on, sprinted, and **_WHAM_**! Right into the mailbox! Strangely enough, a coin with **200** appeared above the mail box, and Link walked away, only to hit another mailbox, in which a star appeared.

Link continued to run around while he rammed random Kokiri around.

"How ya doing, Li-Argh!" cried Bill, as he was flattened,

"Why are you glowin-ouch!" screamed Wendy as she was sent flying.

"Hey guys, what do you think of my new… oh, hi, Link" said Mido cheerfully, wearing his new brown, triangle hat, "Link, Get a way from me! No! Argh!"

Link looked a Mido, Got another crazed look in his eye, foamed at the mouth, and ran, screaming, at Mido, leaped, and plowed him into the ground!

At last, Link leaped off a boulder, and grasped a tree, slid down, and stripped the tree of any branches. A flag came up the tree, a 'you win' theme played, and Link wandered into Saria's home. Another flag was put up, and fire works exploded nearby.

"Oh, hi Link! Wait… what are you- hey! That fells kinda nice. Link I- Hey! Nobody touches me there!" said Saria from inside. A **WHAM **was heard, and Link came flying out, and he went back in, mumbling something about "rescuing my princess…"

_End Flash Back!_

"Huh." Said Link. "That's why you were getting fatter, and my booze, ice cream, and pickles had gone missing over the next several months. Wow. I thought it was a dream"

"Horny bugger…" mumbled Mido, glaring at Link with hate

_**The End!**_

………_**Until the next chapter**_

Sorry for the filler chapter. I can only hope that you liked the story to read this far. The next **_Real_** chapter will be up within the week. This was just a dream I had. Ya… bye.


	6. A somewhat Serious Story

_**A somewhat serious chapter**_

_**I own nothing, persons.**_

(New Narrating.)

He was back in Hyrule, and everyone had gone home. Not me. I was exploring the Lost Woods. I had been suspecting him for months now. 3 months ago, I received a computer virus through e-mail. The e-mail address was 'forestthing123save-the-trees.hyr'. Some would say that it could be anybody. But I know it was him. After some research, I found out that the virus, when used properly, could be used to stop his whole operation.

I went left, right, left, right, straight, right, and then left. I followed the hum of his computer. Then I saw him…

(New Narrating)

I had been working on my plan for years. It was perfect! Ever since the fowl beast Gannon was defeated by Link the 5th, I thought that I could take over. My mothers from Gerudo Valley, I thought I could take up from where he left off. The I had that dream. I was the most powerful creature in the land of Hyrule! I was in my final form, about to destroy the master sword in the Temple of Time. Then, a green, red and blue glow came from behind. It was human shaped, and a pink, glowing light circled his head. He came at me, and all went dark.

I walked through Hyrule Field, ready to put the final phase into plan. Dark clouds covered the sky, and there were cries of terrified animals every ware. Ya, I get that a lot. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck just ahead of me. A figure stepped out of the light…

(New Narrating)

I was in a rage. He had betrayed me! First he disappears in the middle of the night, and then the others join him in the woods! They will pay dearly for what they did. They viruses, the computers, the maniacal laughter. Those were the signs. I blame myself. I should have knew. But then they were there, too! All 5 or so of them! They're all in this together!

She never loved me; I was just a pity friend! I left the forest, met her, and she must have seen how pathetic I was, so she pretended to be my friend. She will pay. They **_all_** will pay!

I grabbed my sword, pure blood lust flowing through my veins… I prepared for a fight. They were all skilled in the art of the sword, but I had something they didn't. I had graduated from the 12 schools of Vargus zodiac style swords play! They will fall…

(New narrating)

I saw it! The flames were so high, they could reach the heavens! I rushed in, and a burning piece of metal fall, and put a gash in my right arm. I screamed in pain, but continued anyway. I was new to these parts, coming from a far off land called by the Hylians "The Shadow Lands". I was a hero there. My might with the Sword of Awe was unstoppable, and anybody who stood in my way was vanquished. I saw a boy in green in a corner, I knew him from The Shadow Lands, he was my training partner. Then I saw another boy that was hurt badly. He was laying on his back holding a jewel, and some sort of aura was around him. I could sense it. The ground around him was not burned, but I could tell he could feel the heat of the flames.

I dragged him out of house, and muttered "**Waíse heill."**

Alight surrounded the young man, and he woke up.

"Who are you?" I asked, looking the boy. He seemed confused about his surroundings.

"I'm Link, and who are you?" Asked Link, hoping for an answer. I wanted to answer him, but he would find out when the time was right.

"There's not time for that now." I said, as he got up. He grabbed my arm (I'm about his age), and tried to drag me away from the building. He was brave, but I saw fear in his eyes.

I pushed him down, and said "I have to go back. Mido is still in there." Then I charged in, trying to find the correct door that would lead me to Mido…

(New Narrating)

I ran over and tackled him to the ground. "You did it! I knew it!" I screamed, wrestling him into submission.

"You'll never get it, Mido!" Skull Kid screamed as he kicked me and ran into the forest. I didn't see where he went, but it didn't matter. Smirking, I ran straight a head, and hoped that the magic of the Lost Woods wouldn't let me down. I exited the forest just in time to see Skull Kid run the hill. I tackled him again, and managed to pin him at the edge of the cliff. With one swift kick, I got him hanging off the cliff by one foot, held by me.

"Tell me." I Hissed to Skull Kid, "Where is the virus?"

"Do your worst." Said Skull Kid plainly

I didn't know what to do. Should I drop him? Should I search his pockets? Then it hit me. It hit me like brick to the head. I dropped him, and he landed on the ground. Was he dead, or just unconscious? Only time will tell. I ran back to the forest meadow, and ejected the disk from his laptop computer. I smiled to myself, picked up the computer, and went home.

(New Narrating)

A dark figure stepped out from the light. It was a large man with robes, and what looked like a pig face for a head. It was Gannon.

"YOU!" I gasped, stepping back in fear,

"That's right, Ganondorf. I have returned to reclaim what's mine."

I knew what he meant. Link the 5th didn't kill him. No; he was much too powerful. I remember the day like it was just yesterday. Once they thought Link had defeated Gannon, I took his place. We had a deal, that after he died, I would take his place. I guess I over did the whole big pig form in the battle Link and I had.

He grasped my hand, and muttered a spell. A void appeared on his hand, and the Triforce on my hand disappeared. I could feel the power being sucked out of me, and my strength diminished. My muscles shrank, my hair turned brown, and the large jewel on my forehead fell off.

I fell to the ground, and Gannon departed to Death Mountain. I was defeated, and I was tired. So tired. My eyes felt like weights, and I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was in a dungeon. I saw these half dog half pig things walking around my cell, and releized that I was in Gannon's clutches. Escape would be hard….

(New Narrating)

I made my way to the forest, knowing that they'd be there. I found them. Skull Kid, Mido, and Donut. Donut had rescued me from that fire, but that doesn't mean that I like him. He dies. They all die.

I went after Mido first. Heh. He didn't see it coming. Skull Kid tried to hit me with his peashooter, but I got him to. Donut. He put up quiet a fight. But I had a shield, and he didn't. After a hard battle, he fell. But with is final breath, he said, "Link, I have one last thing to say to you. Your father lives." I realized at that time that that group of people _didn't _murder my father. I looked around in disbelief. I felt dizzy.

"Skull Kid? Mido? Donut? What have I done?"

"What have I done?"

End Chapter 

Well? What did you think? Too serious? Too dark? Good? Bad?

This is all I got for awhile. Don't expect an update for at least a week or something.


	7. Um… Is This Story Really Going Anywhere?

_**Um… Is This Story Really Going Anywhere? (song filler)**_

_**I don't own nothin'. Nuff said.**_

_**A/N- Sorry, guys! And don't worry, Link and Skull Kid will go back to Termina in chapter 8, if you can help. (review ideas!)**_

Oh, this is a story 'bout a guy named Link  
And everyone said he was just a little fink  
And the Kokiri children really didn't approve  
So he packed up his swords and had to move  
To a hut in the forest where he lived in a tree  
And he played in the forest till he was stung by a bee  
And he avoided that thing like it was the plague  
Until one day another bee stung him in the leg  
He was about to go on a murderous rampage, your see,  
He met skull kid, he yelled "Yippee, yippee, yee!"

Well, the very next day he met Skull Kid again  
With a spatula taped to his hand (to his hand)  
But he didn't keep in touch  
And he lost his number  
Then he got himself a job in a rock and roll ban  
And he spent his life-savings on a split-level cave  
Twenty miles below the surface of the Earth (of the Earth)  
And he really makes a might fine jelly bean and pickle sandwich  
For what it's worth

Then one day Link was in the forest trying to get a tan  
When he heard the tortured screaming of a Skully little man  
He was caught in a bear trap and Link set him free  
And Skull Kid who he rescued was grateful as could be  
And it turns out he's a big-shot producer on TV  
So he gives Link a contract and whaddya know  
Now he's got his very own Cool Link show

(A/N- Wow, I amaze myself. Sorry guys, this is just a filler. Mind submitting some ideas for my next chapter? I'm outta ideas. Review/e-mail me, and you'll get full credit! Thanks!


	8. Life in the Main Stream

_**Life in the Main Stream**_

_**I don't own Zelda, but I will own a copy of the new Zelda coming out in December**_

_**Regards to Furuba Kit for the idea for this chapter! Thanks!**_

"Whoa." Said Link, referring to that unusually serious chapter, "We're never so serious. And Didn't I just kill you, SK?"

"Oh, now you're saying that I'm not serious? That you want me dead?" screamed Skull Kid, being rather annoyed,

"No! I never said that! Well, I was _implying_ it, but I never _said_ it." Explained Link, starting to laugh

"Oh, you pushed it over the line!" screamed Skull Kid as he leaped at Link.

"The bonds are broken!" cried out Link before doing some Karate poses.

Link was about to leap to SK, but his karate poses took too long, and he was knocked to the ground. His 'friends' arranged some chairs, and sat down to watch.

"We should sell tickets for this to the other Kokiri." Whispered Mido to Saria,

"Mido, that's horrible!" Whispered Saria angrily.

"Then why are you eating popcorn, and still sitting here?"

Whispered Mido back.

"Well, it was _only_ 25 cents, and I didn't want to go back to my place to make it."

Mido thought for a moment, and said "Your eternal wisdom amazes me."

Back to the fight between the sugar-induced violence type fighting style of Skull Kid, and the slap-your-face-and-scream-like-a-girl type fighting style of Link.

"Take back what you said about my mom!" Screamed Skull Kid while he punched and kicked Link.

"I didn't say _anything_ about your mom, lab monkey reject!" Screamed Link back as he slapped Skull Kid across the face and screaming every time he got hit

"You called her a bitch!" screamed SK again through his sugar induced violence

"No, I called _you_ a bitch, bitch!" screamed Link smiling smugly.

"You're ugly!" cried Link

"Your _mom's_ ugly" shot back Skull Kid

"Ya, well… You're dumb!" said Link in desperation.

"Well! I never!" said Skull Kid, he sat down facing away to Link.

Back to Saria and Mido.

"Hurry, hurry, hurry!" cried out Mido into a mega phone, attracting a crowd, "See the wuss Link battle the sugar high Skull Kid, who is rumored to be Bob, the former Kokiri resident! Watch as they punch, kick, and slap each other into submission! Tickets are only $5! Get yours today!

"Mido! Put that down! Somebody will hear you!"

Mido gave Saria a blank stare.

"Ya, that's kinda the point."

" **sigh**……… Whatever. Do what you want."

Mido started thinking. _Wait a minute… If she says 'do what you want' and is agitated, then if I do what I want, I'm screwed. And not in the good way._ Mido started chuckling to himself.

"What's so funny, Mido?" asked Saria

"No, nothing's funny, Saria. Nothing's funny."

Back to Link and Skull Kid

"You stole Mr. Munk Munk!" Screamed Link, then started to cry. He curled up into the fetal position, and sobbed. "He understood me!"

Skull Kid started laughing at Link, making him cry harder. Eventually, Link falls asleep in the fetal position. Skull Kid gets an idea, and kicks in between the Legs., This made Link screamand got Link's voice to go up 3 or 4 octaves. SK laughed even harder, and Link clutched what was left in pain, and cried more than he ever cried than before than before.

LATER

After the fight, everyone went to Skull Kid's enormous mansion, are roast, cheese and bread.

The End (of the chapter)

_**How did you like it? Want more chapters? Eh? I can't hear you! Just to let you know, the NES (Nintendo Entertainment System) is far to under rated. I have one, and it's quite good! You'll have to wait for a while, I'm still outta ideas, and if I had people reviewing…… giving me ideas……… This chapter was made on a great idea, and I give Furuba Kit full credit for the making of this chapter.**_


	9. The Invasion of the Tiny Green Men

_**Invasion of the Tiny Green Men**_

_**I still own nothing. Thanks to "Nothing Important" for the idea of this chapter! You get full credit, person!**_

After a nice peaceful dinner, Link and Skull Kid made up and SK even paid for Link's hospital bills for his **ahem** operation.

"It's quite a peaceful evening, isn't it, Skull Kid" Said Link with a cast around his um… how do I say this… "device" area.

"Yes, Link." Agreed Skull Kid, " I agree. Nothing could go wrong now."

Suddenly, a plane was heard overhead, and little green men fell from the sky. As they landed, they pulled out daggers and started attacking the Kokiri.

"Oh my god!" screamed Link, freaking out, "It's just like in my dream!"

"They have daggers, Link! **_Daggers!_** " screamed Skull Kid, also freaking out.

Link and SK looked around them, expecting the other Kokiri to be freaking out, but they saw that they formed a line, and Mido stepped forward with a megaphone.

"Everyone! This is a code Alpha! Battle stations! Link is in danger! Skull Kid knows too much! The package must get to the girl! Go! Go! Go! This is not a drill! Repeat, this is not a drill!"

All the Kokiri whipped out small knives and leaped at the LGM (little green men), and… did… things…

Link ran in circles, screaming, completely oblivious to the fact that he was an expert swords man, while Skull Kid did the same.

"Ohmigod Ohmigod Ohmigod Ohmigod Ohmigod!" yelled Link as he ran around Kokiri village and into several houses

After awhile, the Kokiri and the TGM got confused, and started hitting themselves. Not, like, Bob hit himself, but the Kokiri and the TGM couldn't tell the Kokiri from the TGM. Got it? Grood. I mean good. Great and good.

"Ow! It's me, Bob!" cried out one Kokiri, falling to the ground.

"Sorry, Larry" came another voice.

"Dammit, Franchise!" yelled a Little Green Man, falling to the ground, and stabbed by the martial artist master Saria, the green haired girl.

"That's for making Link scream like a girl!" cried Saria, doing some cool looking ninja poses.

Back to Link and Skull Kid.

"Link, we're gonna die!" screamed SK while running in circles,

"I know!" cried out Link, sitting and sobbing.

"Hold me!" yelled SK, holding on to Link

Back away from the sissys.

Mido once again whipped out his mega phone.

"Okay, everyone! Time to take out the big guns! Bazookas! Out! Machine guns! Out! Take out what ever gun you have, and use it, dammit!" Screamed out Mido into his megaphone

The Kokiri whipped out all the guns and grenades they could find, and blasted the TGM's brains out.

"I-is it o-over?" Asked Link, nervously, "Did we die?"

"No, we didn't die, ya big baby." Said Mido angerly.

Link got up and reached into his pocket.

"Well, that's good! Now, I have a chance to eat this cake I wanted to eat before! Link took out a moldy, dusty, stuff covered cake from his pocket and took a bite.

Later in the hospital 

"Am I dead yet?" asked Link with an IV thing in his wrist, and the air thing in his nose.

"Nope." Said Skull Kid as he sat on a chair beside him reading "Termina Times" that he got from Termina.

"Then, please kill me." Said Link for the fifth time in 20 minutes.

Skull Kid stood up and looked at Link.

"Now what have we learned?" asked Skull Kid

"Never buy things from Europe." Mumbled Link

_**Splode!**_

_**So? This is the second last chapter, I think… Naw! Only, I'll update much less often. I've pretty much used up my ideas. I have afew left. (like the 'sex' scean between Link and Zelda)**_

**Anyhoo, read and review!**


	10. Sugar and slimfast is good!

_**Sugar and slim-fast is good!**_

_**I still don't own anything, and if you still don't understand that, tell me where you live, and I'll come around and hit you in the face with a mallet, because you're a retard.**_

"Skull Kid?" said Link weakly,

"Yes, Link?" asked SK, "What do you want. Other than me killing you."

"Oh yes, that. No! I want you to smuggle me out of the hospital so I can see Zelda one last time…" said Link dramatically.

"Link, you're not going to die. Stupid." Said SK.

"I know I'm not going to die, Skull Kid." Said Link, looking at Skull Kid strangely, "you told me that already. I want to get to Zelda because after what I've been through, I deserve some wiggity waw waw."

"My God, Link!" screamed Skull Kid. "Anyhow, let's get outta here."

Skull Kid carried Link out of his bet, flung him over his shoulder, and walked away. He came to a room with white doctors coats in it.

"Hmm…" said Skull Kid, "Link, ("Yo.") there's only one strangely large coat left, and there's two of us…"

"One…one of us will have to, have to… dammit, what is that word… ah! One of us will have to ride on the other's shoulders."

They looked at each other, and nodded.

Later, near the exit.

"Hurry up, Link! And stop swaying and vomiting and falling so much! Stupid idiot." Said SK, sitting on Link's shoulders as people gave them weird Looks.

"Skull Kid, we forgot the coat." Said Link, noticing the people looking at them

"Dammit!" cried out Skull Kid. "Run Link, run! Abort! Abort! Abort!"

And so they did. They ran like scared forest elves.

They soon arrived at the castle, and since Link was a hero, they got in guard free. After a while of walking, they got to Zelda's room.

"Zelda?" said Link, knocking on her door, "Zelda, are you there?"

"Of course, Link! I've missed you so! Come in." came a voice from inside. An eye appeared in a hole in the door, and disappeared.

"But not you, Skull Kid. I've heared what you've done with Saria." Said Zelda from inside.

"Dammit" muttered SK, looking at the ground.

"Link, I hope you've brought your 'ice cream', because I've bought a new 'video game' for us to 'play'!" Said Zelda, letting Link inside.

"Well, I'll see you guys later!" Said Skull Kid, walking off, "I've got to steal some food from the kitchen!"

When Skull Kid returned, he leaned up against Zelda's door, and listened.

"Oh god, Link! Oh! Oh! Yes yes yes! You're so good at this! Oh, I love your cream! Oh god!"

"Shh! Someone will hear us!"

SK Walked in mortified!

"What the hell are you doing!" screamed Skull Kid

Link and Zelda are all sweaty, clothes rumpled

"What?" Said Link, looking at SK nervously, "We're playing Super Mario Bros in secret, so nobody can hear us, and eating ice cream. Zelda's just commenting on how good I am at Mario Bros, and how she loves the ice cream I brought over."

"But the clothes-?"

"Zelda hugged me. Hard. Alot. We're all sweaty because I beat the game in under 20 minutes with only one life, so it was stressful."

"Huh. Okay then. Go back to doing the verticle limbo."

"Hugging!"

"But-"

"Ice-cream!"

"There's no bowls or-"

"Video games!"

"There's no T.V!"

"You go away now!"

Skull Kid left the room in a rush, and ran out of the castle, and leaped in the moat, trying to wash the weird feeling off his body, and the images out of his head.

_**What will happen next chapter? I know! I'd add it to this chapter, but I'm a jack ass, and I want to keep you waiting! Stay tooned for the next chapter, same Zelda time, same Zelda channel! R&R!**_


	11. Microwave Popcorn

_**Microwave Popcorn…**_

_**Yo, I don't own anything. Sorry about not updating for a long time, and this my be the last chapter. Or at least for a while. I have a life. And school. And soon to be a laptop. God, how I wish I had a laptop…**_

His plan was simple. It took months of making cool looking graphs and complicated pie charts. And planning. There was no way he could screw this up again. Link was... Making microwave able popcorn!

Link walked over to the cupboard, and grabbed the last packet of **"Screw-Up"** brand microwave popcorn. He opened up the door thing, put the popcorn in, and closed the microwave. And I'm making no sense anymore.

"I swear to God, if this popcorn goes bad, Skull Kid wont be able to test more of my popcorn." Said Link as he punched in the numbers "2:00" into the microwave.

(cut to SK)

Skull kid's laying on the ground with about 15 bags of microwave popcorn laying around him, and he has a large belly, and groaning.

(cut to Link)

A DING was heard, and Link pulled the popcorn out of the micropop, and walked over to Skull Kid.

"Here." Said Link, holding the bag to SK, "Try some."

Skull Kid sat up, and waved his hands weakly in front of the bag, and said… um, weakly, "I don't want it, I don't want it!"

"Oh, c'mon, c'mon!" pleaded Link, poking Skull Kid, "I'll give you a dollar…"

"I'm sick of popcorn! I've been forced to eat bag after bag of burned pop-freakin-corn! Go to Hell, popcorn!" cried Skull Kid, waving his arms in the air.

"Oh, so you're a no popcorn eating baby now, eh? You wanna eat other foods? Is that it? You don't want to wear the popcorn pants? Huh? You gonna cry? Huh crybaby gonna cry? Yeah, thought so." Tormented Link

" sniff Why do you say things you know will hurt me?" Whined Skull Kid with tears in his eyes, "You're not my friend any more, jerk."

And with that, Skull Kid ran off sobbing.

"Link!" came a voice from behind, "Link, come here!" It was Zelda!

"Zelda! I've missed you s- slap Ow! Dammit, what was that for, bitch!" Cried Link as he was slapped by Zelda, the hottest princess in the… sorry, I got carried away there. Ignore that.

"I saw what you did to Skull Kid, and that was mean." Zelda… um.. commented, I guess. I'm running out of thing to say they did. I'll just make up words now.

"What do you car- Oh shit! The internet's down again!" splurgeted Link as he ran to his computer, trying to run HOL (Hyrule On Line) again. "Dammit, this happens every day or so! Do you know how long it takes to get HOL on line again!"

Link then proceeded to take the disc out of the computer, and hucked it out the window. "Piece of crap!" Strong-Bad'd Link'

Cut to Mido

"Damn Pepsi machine… GIMME MY DRINK DAMMIT" screamed Mido at the randomly placed Pepsi machine by his house.

Suddenly, an HOL disc came flying out of no ware, and hit the Pepsi machine, knocking it over. On top of Mido.

"Help! My bones are being crushed by a delicious taste sensation!" cried out Mido, flat on his back with a nice Pepsi blanket on top of him. Then his Pepsi rolled out and hit Skull Kid's foot.

"Hey, free Pepsi!" um…frat partied Skull Kid, taking a sip,

"This must be my luck day!"

_**Sorry, guys. I've been working on this chapter for a few days now, and I just have no ideas for the next chapter. Chapter 20 will be the last. But please, PLEASE! Review with ideas! I'm desperate! Unless you guys review, this is a dead fanfic! I promise to give you full credit, and recommend you (if you're an author) to people! Please!**_


	12. Skull Kid Revolts!

_**Skull Kid Revolts!**_

Hey, everyone! I'm back! This story is brought to you by author "Nothing Important", and the letter "H". Anyhoo, R&R!

After the whole ordeal with "Screw-up" brand popcorn, Link offered Skull Kid to sign a contract for Link to be nice to Skull Kid. Unfortunately, Skull Kid didn't read the fine print, and discovered it was only for one day, and he had to pay 100 rupees per hour. Skull Kid was thoroughly pissed.

"Oh, you bastard!" cried out Skull Kid, reading the contract, looking at the paying per hour thing. "That does it! I'm calling the only people who understand me!"

Skull Kid ran outside, and yelled "Rally-ho!" A dwarf popped out of the ground.

"You called?" asked the Dwarf, who shalt be called "Joe"

"Naw, just testing out my summoning calls." Replied Skull Kid

"Okay. Call me if you need Link's house plowed under, therefore destroying it."

"No wait!" cried Skull Kid, but Joe was already gone.

"Okay… how about… Ahem…

I summon beings so evil, I must speaketh in olde language… sorta… not really…

Creatures of Darkness,

Creatures, my whim,

Destroy the world,

Destroy him!"

Suddenly, a moon from a far off planet hurtled to Earth, to Termina, destroying it.

"Huh." Said Link, walking out of the house, "Sucks to be them, eh?"

"Dammit! Let me try again!" swore SK.

"I summon a being so grand,

It must be confined by chain!

It is so evil,

Hellfire shalt be rained!

Come to me, Anima!"

The ground shook…. And …… nothing happened. Damn.

"One more time.

"Hello! Wake up, dammit! Little Green Men! Kill Popcorn stuff! I'll give you a dollar!"

The ground shook…. And …… The Little Green Men popped out of the ground!

"Holy crap!" yelped Link, backing away in surprise,

"You want something?" said Wayne the LGM, looking at SK wallet with… greed, I guess.

"Yes. Follow me, and we shall DESTROY the Screw-up brand Popcorn!" The Little Green Men burrowed under ground towards Screw-up brand place… thing.

"Yes…" said Skull Kid sadly, "My control over the LGM is a blessing….and a curse." Skull Kid looked towards the exit, said "Talk atcha later." To Link, and ran off.

"Hmm…" said Link after a few seconds, taking a "Tastes Like Chicken" chocolate bar out of his pocket, started to eat it, and walked to his house.

" I should have killed the little bugger while I had the chance."

Link walked into his house, changed his clothes to dark blue pants and shirt, grabbed some fire arms (including a tranquilizer), and tied a head band around his head.

"Lets do this… Solid Snake style!" Link ran out of his house, shot several people, looked dramatically into the wind, and walk out of the forest, leaving lots of carnage and blood.

Back to Skull Kid! Whoo!

"Go, my pretties, go!" cries out Skull Kid as he watched them tunnel under the factory.

"Now nobody will suffer under the will of Screw-Up brand popcorn again! Except, you know, Link. I'll make him eat it!" screamed Skull Kid, raising his hands in the air.

Twang!

Skull Kid felt a sharp pain in his neck. He felt around his neck, and found a dart. Oh my god! He's been shot! No, wait, it's a tranquilizer dart. Never mind.

"Ow. Dammit." said Skull Kid as he fell to the ground

"Yes…" said Link, coming out of the shadows, holding a gun, "That will do just fine. Now if I could only that death hole I had… Dammit. That will have to wait."

Link walked over to Skull Kid, and…. Um… how can I say this… sigh Link, you perverted bastard… Link pissed on Skull Kids head. Link is a pig. Ya.

"Now, I have to deal with the one… two… three… 14, dammit! Stop moving!" screamed Link as he tried to count the LGM, "This is so frustrating! (points to one LGM) I think I counted you twice!"

"Look, Evil Donut Man is to lazy to make a dramatic fight scene, so I'm gonna bribe you all to go home." Said Link as he gave the LGM money. Look, if you want a fight scene so badly, here's one.

"Ow… Why do I smell like piss? ………Oh, you bastard!" screamed Skull Kid as he awoke, "Your going down!"

"The mighty oak has fallen!" screamed Link, leaping into the air, and falling on his ass, got up again, and leaped at Skull Kid.

Just imagine an Agent Smith V.S. Neo fight. It's just like that. In the first movie.

Just as they were about to hit, Anima, from the earlier in the story, appeared. He flattened Skull Kid, and went away.

"Good bye, old friend" said Link, wiping his lip as if there was blood there.

So, Link went home, Skull Kid joined Link, and Mido is still stuck under the Pepsi machine. The End…. For now. Four more chapters.

Okay, everyone! This is one of the definite five last chapters, and then If I feel like it, I'll update with new chapters. Thanks for all the support! Sorry for the bad ending, but I am REALLY out of ideas, and ideas are GREATLY appreciated! If you want me to get sort of a guest author thing going, just place a review with… character stats, I guess, and I'll get around to putting you in the next chapter.

**I never thought that this story would be so good, or have so many reviews. I thought it would be a 5 chapter story that I did in my spare time, but It's like, 12 chapters now!**

**This story is running out of steam, and I really need help with ideas. Before, I could do, like, 2 chapters a day, because It was fun, I had ideas, and it was summer vacation. But now, I'm in High School, and have no time for this. Please. Review and give me ideas! Any suggestion that relates to this chapter sorta! Thank, everyone.**

**Well, see you all next chapter! Remember, review/email with your stats! Bye! (disappears in a flash of sprinkles and jimmies)**


	13. The last chapter for awhile

**Secret Service 13!**

**Wow, I thought I'd never be good enough to have a GUEST AUTHOR CHAPTER! Whoo! I own not Zelda, but I do own legal rights to a ball of lint.**

After a while, Skull Kid forgave Link for pissing on his head, and Link kept on bitching on about how Screw-up brand popcorn was pretty much destroyed. A few months later, Skull Kid was in Link's house, being his roommate.

"Oh, I say." Said Skull Kid in a British accent, sipping some wine, wearing a top hat, "I do so enjoy my quiet time before Link gets home."

"Skull Kid! I'm home!" Said a voice from the door.

"Oh, dammit. I was about to uncork the Champaign." Skull Kid then proceeded to hide the wine, Champaign, top hat, and really fancy 18th century chair he was sitting on.

"I brought over a friend! From the land of PEARS!" Screamed Link.

"Hi! I'm Vivi! THE ELF!" screamed the new character, staring at Skull Kid, "And I have the power to… move you…"

A single spotlight fell apon Vivi, nearly hitting her, and then a spotlight's light fell on her, and she took out a guitar.

'bling, twang twingsle' went the guitar.

Vivi then proceeded to smash the guitar onto Skull Kid's head. "Move!" cried out Vivi, pointing over to the corner.

"Ya, okay." Said Skull Kid weakly, crawling over to the corner.

"She's great, isn't she?" said Link.

"I AM A HOBIR"

screamed a voice from the door. It's a muffin!

"Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh!" screamed Vivi

Then Vivi woke up.

"Holy crap, that was a weird dream! You were there, Link! You too, Skull Kid!" Said Vivi from her bed, the camera panning out, showing Link and Skull Kid laying in bed with her.

"Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh!" screamed Vivi

Then Vivi woke up.

"Holy, shit, that was weird! I gotta stop eating popcorn before bed! Said Vivi, waking up, the camera panning out, showing Link, Vivi, and Skull Kid laying in a giant bowl of popcorn.

"You got that right!" screamed Skull Kid!

"Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh!" screamed Vivi

Then Vivi woke up.

"Dammit, I **_really_** gotta stop eating frog legs before bed! Seriously!" Said Vivi from her bed, the camera panning out showing Link and Skull Kid in her bed with her.

"You got that right!" screamed Skull Kid, holding a bunch of balloons.

"Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh!" screamed Vivi.

"… Are you done yet?" asked Skull Kid, looking at Vivi, handing her a balloon.

"Ya." Said Vivi, taking the balloon, "Hey guys, I had the weirdest dream, where you guys and I were in a bed and-"

"Was I shagging you?" asked Skull Kid, smiling.

"No."

"Aww…"

"Anyways, I would scream, and wake up, and… wait a minute… What are you guys doing in my bed anyways?"

Skull Kid and Link looked at each other nervously, and took off.

"Damn right you run! Don't make me take out my smashing guitar, Skull Kid!"

Later, Vivi got out of bed, and walked outside.

"Ah, what a beautiful day!" she declared, walking around Kokiri Forrest, "The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and Mido is getting the living shit beat out of him. Nope. Nothing new. Better check out who is punching Mido."

Vivi walked over to Mido, who was pleading to someone.

"Please stop! I won't – OW – hit on Saria again! OW! I promise!'

Screamed Mido, struggling to get out of a headlock.

"Damn right. Say away from here, or I'll eat you." Said the mysterious figure, mysteriously.

"Who are you?" asked Vivi, slowly taking her waking guitar out of her abnormally large pocket.

"I am… … …" said the figure.

"Well, who are you, bitch?" screamed Link, who was walked out from behind Vivi.

Who is this mysterious figure? Who did Link get there? Will Skull Kid get there, too? Will the dynamic duo escape the clutches of The Joker? Find out next time, same bat time, same bat channel!

But really guys, sorry for the long update time, and the short story. It was a mistake to try to worm in two guest authors in the same story. I have tests and homework, and not any inspiration. I'll try to get the next chapter in after January, as my final exams are coming up soon. I might start it during x-mas break, but I can't in January, as I'll have to study non-stop.

Ya, I think I'm going to take a break from trying to come up with this crap. See you in February!

**Evil D Man**

(Oh, and I'm free for MSN messenger!)


	14. A Chrastmis Story

**Secret Service 14! Whoo!**

**I'm back, and after a long update time, I'm gonna write another half-assed, crappy story! Go me!**

**and for those interested, I'm available for MSN messenger, and if you like Diablo II, type in (while online) "/f add koer" or "/f add diet" without the brackets. Tis me!**

**Whoo! Christmas Special!**

Link was asleep on December 25, at about 2 in the morning, dreaming of missile toes and all that crap. He woke up when he hear a noise on his roof top! "Skull Kid, are you sure this will work?" came a deep voice, "Of course this will work, Ganondorf! And keep your voice down! Link might hear us! He will pay for god dam pissing on my head!" come another voice, taking a sip of something. "Oh joy!" squealed Link in happiness, dancing around, "It must be Santa Clause and one of his beloved elves!" 

Suddenly, Link's face went grim. "Oh crap. I think that he knows that I pissed on Skull Kid's head… … … and in his morning coffee ever since."

There was a spitting sound from up above.

"Dammit, Link!" came the 'elf's' voice. "Shut up, SK! Here, have _my_ coffee, instead."

"… … … and Ganondorf's coffee, too." Link continued.

There was another spitting sound from the roof, "Dammit, Link! Second time, too!" said the voice.

Suddenly, there was a rumble, and Ganondorf, dressed badly as Santa, fell down from the chimney, as a rope coiled around him.

"Dammit, Skull Ki-" he said, looking at Link, "I mean, dammit, beloved elf!" He corrected, trying to look innocent.

"Er… Ho ho ho! Marry Christmas, Link!" He bellowed, as the pillow under his coat fell out.

"It's Santa Clause!" screamed Link, pouncing on him just as Santa-dorf shoved his pillow back into his coat.

"Santa! I've been a good boy this year! So… I want an Xbox 360, a PS3, a Nintendo Revolution, a new TV, a pony… but most of all, I want Skull kid to like the present I gave him." Said Link in one breath.

"Awww… I don't want to kill him anymore." Came Skull Kid's voice from the roof.

"Screw you, Sku- I mean, beloved elf… Imp… Whatever." Said Ganondorf in his regular voice. He then went back to his 'Santa' voice.

"Now, now, Link, um… there's a… light! Ya, a light. That'll do. Ahem! Now, there's a light on your Christmas tree that doesn't work, so, um, I have to take it back to my workshop to fix it, and I'll bring it right back." Said Ganondorf.

"But Santa," Link begun, "I have some spare bulbs right here in my hand." He held out his hand, revealing several small green and red lights.

"No you don't." Ganondorf said simply, grabbing the lights from Link's hand, and hucking them out the window.

"Ok." Said Link, as if he never _did _have any lights. "Can I come?" asked Link.

"I thought you'd never ask." Said Ganondorf.

Link grabbed onto Ganondorf's… arm, Ganondorf tugged on the rope, and Skull Kid pulled, yanking both of them up.

All three of them piled up on the mini-van with wings, and headed off to the North Pole.

"So… the plan is to leave him for dead at the north pole?"

asked Skull Kid.

"Nope, I plan to leave him in a trap." Said Ganondorf.

"Hey, Evil D Man, can we just skip ahead since you're too lazy to make this story?" asked Skull Kid.

Sure, I said.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Now, Link was tied up, hanging from a loose rope, dangling over a pit of coccus.

"Now," said Ganondorf, pulling down on a lever, "I will now pull this lever, slowly lowering you into an easily escapable situation while I leave to make a sandwich. I'll see you in Hell!"

And Ganondorf walked away.

Suddenly, Santa Clause burst in, holding a bottle of Jack Danials, and freed Link! Yay!

"Hey!" slurred Santa, wobbling, drunkly, "Ganon! You've been naughty, so NO Chrastmis for you! Blah!" He then proceeded to throw up.

Ganondorf got mad, so he walked over to Santa, and gasp pushed him!

"Hey!" cried out Santa, walking up and facing Ganondorf, "YOU SPILTED MY BEER!" he screamed, smashing the bottle of Jack Danials over Ganondorf's head.

"Yay, Santa! You saved Chri-" started Link.

"Shut up! I'm drunk, and the lights are too loud! Dammit!" interrupted Santa Clause. "Here's your Xbox, Nintendo, and Sony crap, your pony, and here's a present that Skull Kid is sure to love." Said Santa, suddenly sober.

Then he passed out. Joy!

"Here, Skull Kid." Said Link, walking over to him, and handing him his present. "This is for you , merry Christmas."

"Awww… Thanks, Link! You shouldn't have…" Said Skull Kid, unwrapping his present. It's Majora's Mask! "How did you know?'

asked Skull Kid, holding up the game. "Wait a minute, this is the game! Not the mask! Oh well, I like it anyway. Thanks Link!"

"No problem, Skull Kid. So as Drunk Santa says," Link began,

"MERRY CHRASTMIS!" they both cried at the same time.

**Sorry this is so crappy, but it's December 24, and I have a lot to do, so I whipped this up as fast as I could. I was originally going to have Link go all ninja on the ropes, free himself, and get the chickens to attack Ganondorf, but I thought a drunken Santa Clause would do the trick. Next chapter, we find out who the mysterious figure from chapter 13 is! Whooo….. (eary voice)**

**Next chapter up… later! Merry Chrastmis, everyone!**


	15. The Ultimate Showdown

Secret Service 15

The Ultimate Showdown.

**I own not totally Zelda. Don't take my monies!**

**-----------------0---------**

"Holy SPHLEE! It's Link!" cried out the mysterious figure,

"Do you know my name?"

"Um… Is it Gandalf the Grey?" asked Link.

"No." said the figure.

"Gandalf the white?"

"No."

"Or Monty Python and the Holy grail's black knight?"

"No."

"Or the Benito Mussolini?"

"NO!"

"Or The Blue Meanie?"

"No!"

"Or Cowboy Curtis or Jambi the Genie?"

"Shut up!"

"Or Robocop, or the Terminator,

Or Captain Kirk or Darth Vader,

Or Lo-Pan, Superman,

Maybe Every single Power Ranger,

How bout Bill S. Preston or Theodore Logan,

Or Spock, the Rock,

Doc Ock or Hulk Hogan?"

"Will you shut the fuck up? Stop singing! It's Freakin' NI! God! You're stupider… more stupid than… you know… they… said.. I'll stop talking now." Said NI, disappointed in Link, and himself.

"Anyway, speaking of Spock, come here for a moment!"

Cried out Link.

"No, Link, I won't come there. I'm not your friend anymore. I hate you and I was only being your friend because I thought it would be funny. Don't follow me anymore. You're kicked off the Enterprise." Came a voice from above.

Link was sad. Like a puppy with 3 legs. Poor puppy. sniff he tried so hard in life! He wanted to be a quarterback! sob Link started to twitch. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he was in a dark room. He was in front of a gray mirror. Link saw his reflection.

Link's reflection started to talk.

"Hey, you look pretty unhappy"

It said, "I want to help you out."

It's beautiful in here," it said,

"Everything is perfect, everyone is

happy. If only you could see

what it's like, you'd understand."

And then, his reflection showed him what

it was like on the other side of the mirror.

...and, for the first time in Link's life, he **_saw_**.

It was the most beautiful thing he 

had ever seen. He wanted so badly

to join his reflection in that paradise,

but the mirror stood firm between

him and pure happiness.

He did the only thing

he could think to do.

Link punched the mirror, trying to break

the barrier between his world, and paradise.

It cracked, and shattered,

Just as many dreams before.

And there was nothing

on the other side.

Link looked down at a large shard of glass, and saw his reflection. And another reflection. Two of his reflections. They were laughing, and they walked off together.

Link closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he was in his bed.

'Wh-What happened?" asked Link, trying to, you know, not throw up, "How long was I out?"

"Well," said NI, sitting on a small turtle, "When Spock yelled at you, you passed out, and you were asleep for 2 weeks."

"Holy crap! Really?"

"No, not really. You were asleep for about an hour."

"Bastard."

"Right back atcha, buddy."

"Don't call me buddy." (this is Link!)

"Then don't call me NI!"

"Then what should I call you?"

"FRONZ!"

Everybody stared at NI aka Fronz, and…. Nothing. They just stared.

"Personally, I think that this chapter of life is over. And by "chapter of life", I mean "this chapter is Secret Service". And by "personally", I mean "the author is too lazy to continue for awhile."

And so I did.

**Hey, guys. Sorry for the horrible update time, but I am just out of ideas. This story is running out of steam, and the updates are becoming slower and slower. I will have a few more chapters, and then I will update whenever I feel like it, and add random chapters to it in my leisure. **

**Actually, I think that I will start a new story. About 5 years after Secret Service. Ooh! I know! Link and Zelda can be fuck buddies!**

**Ya, but I'll still add a few more chapters, so worry not!**

**Evil Donut, Away! disappears in a puff of chocolate sprinkles and jimmies**


	16. A Last Goodbye

I'm finished.

Hey, everyone! Look, I'll update the final chapter(s) of Secret Service at summer vacation, and the second and last chapter of Lands of the Forsaken. Any of you are free to take Lands of the Forsaken as your own.

I can't update. I have homework, studying, and a life. I want to play Halo 2, Katamari, Animal Crossing, and Theme Hospital! I have a life, and I can't write anymore.

I might, **_MIGHT_** make another story, a humour story, about Link and someone else, maybe his cat. I just can't find the ideas. I can find the general plot, but I can't find the jokes, the funny stuff, or the hilarity. All of which are generally the same thing.

Anyway, my life on has ended long ago, around chapter 13 in Secret Service, but I hadn't noticed it. Hell, those aren't even my own jokes! I don't swear that often! I can't think anymore! I have no more ideas. I felt forced to write, and it always went against my schedule.

So in conclusion…

So, beloved readers, I thank you for keeping with me through thick and thin, helping me with my ideas, and whatnot, and never giving up. Secret Service, minus the last chapter(s), has come to and end, as has Lands of the Forsaken. I hope someone gives Lands of the Forsaken a good home.

I can't mention names of those who've been there all the time, as there's too many.

Goodbye, Everyone.


End file.
